Feelings Of The Elven Soul

Maybe I should write...

2006-05-29T18:46:00.000+08:00

Yeah... I'm back...

Back cos maybe no one's reading this anymore...

Sheesh... so Alvin... How's life?

Good question... Let's do a quick update!

Lost motivation in life! WOOHOO...

Lost the happiness I once had! YEAHHH!!!

Living a life just to see what crap I'll get the next day... FOOoooo~!

Freshies calling me short.. Classmates raging war with each other... Emotion build up all in the effort to make life seem good... Laughing with people who look down on me.. Smiling even after getting hurt straight in the heart... WOOOOoooo!~

Life IS beautiful...

Oh well... Since no one visits here anymore.. I'd take this chance to voice out... That's what blogs are for anyway. SOoooo~! Here goes...

To all those who openly make fun of me by calling me short and small... Maybe it hasn't occured to you that I'm not exactly cyborg. I have a heart and I don't wanna spoil your day by saying nasty things back... Just to let you know that this heart has never went home in one piece before... Don't give a damn? Well, that's for you to decide whether or not to care... Continue if you want to... I suppose I won't really die from emotional hurt... It's in my genes to be short... And I don't intend to blame my genes cos it'll sound stupid... yup... Maybe I won't be able to go out with the girl I fall for because I'm small... Well that's just my luck... Life isn't always what it seems anyway... And I don't expect good things to come my way often... And love doesn't really come easy for me anymore... Maybe I'm just not ready to support someone's emotions in my current state...

But still... A big thanks to those who stand by me.. Its you guys who keep me in one piece everyday... thanks...

This is not meant for anyone to read by the way... This just makes me feel better in a way...

Well, then... Elf signing off to a live full of certified crap... CIAOS!!!

sorry

2006-03-26T23:13:00.000+08:00

I wish I never had a soft heart..
I wish I am that strong person I imagine to be..
I just want to help people get back on their feet..
I just want to make people happy..
If only I could be a real asshole..
Then maybe things would be better..
Then maybe I could leave things as it is..
And never bring it back..
I just wanted to make you happy..
You were but I wasn't..
I waited longer and longer to see if things get better..
But it didn't and I crashed my efforts..
I made things worst..
I kept thinking about you..
But never myself until its too late..
I never thought whether I could afford to do this..
Afford to make people happy and not get anything in return..
I was wrong..
I needed to feel..
I just want to feel again..
To feel like I really have something to live for..
But its not about me..
Its about you..
You have feelings..
All you wanted was love..
All you wanted is to be cared for..
All you wanted is to happy..
Is it too much to ask for?
I say no..
It isn't..
You have feelings
And I wanted to mend them..
I wanted to pick you back up on your feet..
I want to path your way across troubled waters..
I want to see you smile..
I want to make you happy..
But then I wasn't strong enough..
My needs that I kept locked up came out..
My needs that drives my life..
I needed someone to mend my feelings..
I needed someone to pick me back up on my feet..
I needed someone to path my way across troubled waters..
I am broken too..
And so I started to lose hope..
My strength wore out..
I didn't have strength to carry you anymore..
And I dropped you..
And I know sorry isn't enough..
My friend once told me there are many ways to love a person..
My only way I can love you is to care for you..
But not depend on you to give me strength..
To help you but not ask you for help..
And I'm sorry I took so long to realise that-
I mustn't depend on others..
I depended on you these past few days..
You didn't see it..
I'm that someone that you can lean on when I can lean on you..
I'm not that strong and I'm ashamed of that..
I keep coming back to you to find that strength..
The strength that you can give me..
And I'm sorry to keep coming back..
I hoped to get that strength from you..
And you hoped you could lean on me..
I gave myself false hopes..
And I gave you false hopes..
You see I'm not the guy you need..
You need a strong pillar that is independent..
I'm a feather..
Ever weak at heart and soul..
I'm sorry that I'm not the guy you thought I was..
And its fine if you hate me or start a hate club..
Cos I was wrong to try to find hope in you..
And causing you harm..
Hate is what drives people to stop loving..
Sadly I never could hate..
And I'm just a fool for love..
I know what must be done..
Although I want to help you..
I'll leave your life for good..
And please make sure that I do..
You can stop contacting me now..
I should never have thought you that math question..
I'm sorry..

crumbles down

2005-10-08T13:25:00.000+08:00

If only I could turn back time and change everything.. Maybe things wouldn't be this way.. Food has lost its taste and things seem to be losing their colour.. All this while.. Anticipating the time I can finally meet you.. And it all crumbles... Hopes, faith, dreams, motivation...

We leap and jump hoping to God that we can fly but we always fall down hurt and bruised.. But only one person can make me feel like I can fly.. and that's you..

Sadly that's gone in just a brief moment on the train.. All this while, I thought you weren't messaging or calling me because you were studying.. Now I know the reason.. You were so vibrant and pretty but your words were piercing and cold... Silly me... I even brought out enough money to treat you to sakae and a movie but what's the point.. It has all crumbled..

exams are over!

2005-09-29T20:57:00.000+08:00

I am proud to announce... That the EXAMS are OVER!!! I'm so relieved.. I wanna organise a span of class outings to build my class bonding! I never want my class to start drifting apart from each other and not going and hanging out together.. It would be a complete waste... Such great people, great minds and great personality but all in their individual groups... Its saddening.. I am driven to keep my class together.. But it isn't easy.. It isn't easy to get them to go on an outing... When I mean them I mean all of my classmates.. Somehow they would have something on or not interested.. haizzz...

But skateboarding has taught me one thing..

You would be disappointed if you fail.. But doomed if you stop trying..

So here I am still trying..

So no plans for today... But wait.. A message came.. I can have lunch with chock! It had been years since i met her.. Ok.. I'm exaggerating.. But really... It has been an unbearable long time.. All because of my exams and her promos preparations..

It was great to see her again.. With her two colourful pins in her hair.. With wide pearly eyes.. We went to eat at this Black Canyon cafe which had nice student sets for only $5.50! The portions were quitte big--->Spaghetti, cold slaw, chicken cutlet or fish platter, drink and ice cream. Yep! I didn't type that wrongly.. Its $5.50.. Right there.. Value for money dude!! Yeah the meal was great.. But sadly we could only afford to have time for the lunch only and i had to send her home to study.. I wish I had more time with her..

*Humans can never be satisfied

But what can I do? She's all that matters to me.. She's the world to me.. And I can't even spend time with her after her exams.. She'll be spending time with her friends first.. *Kick and scream* Why can't she spend time with me?!?!

Okay.. I think I'm getting abit too whinny here..

But its true... Hmmm.. I have to accept what is given to me.. Even though I did not have enough time with her today.. Its still better than not meeting her at all... So I'll wait.. Wait for my turn.. After her time with her friends she would have time for me.. Right...? Yep...

Another teaching from skateboarding..

Practice Patience

So I'll wait..

lost and broken

2005-09-24T16:01:00.000+08:00

Lost and broken,
Hopeless and lonely..
Smiling on the outside,
But hurt beneath my skin..

My eyes are fading,
My soul is bleeding..
I try to make it seem ok,
But my faith is wearing thin..

So help me heal these wounds,
They've been open for way to long..
Help fill this soul,
Even though its not your fault..

That I'm open..
That I'm bleeding...
All over your brand new rug..
And I need someone to help me sew them up..

I only wanted a magazine..
I only wanted a movie screen..
I only wanted a life I read about and dreamed..
And now my mind is an open book..
And now my heart is an open wound..
And now my life is an open soul for all to see..

So help me heal this wounds,
They've been open for way to long..
Help me fill this soul,
Even though its just not your fault..

That I'm open..
And I'm bleeding..
All over your brand new rug..
And I need someone to help me,
So you come along,I push you away,
Then I kick and scream for you to stay..
Cuz I need someone to help me,
Oh I need someone to help me,
To help me heal these wounds,
They've been open for way too long..
Help me fill this soul..
Even though this is not your fault..

that I'm open,
And I'm bleeding,
All over your brand new rug.
And I need someone to help me sew them,
I need someone to help me fill them,
I need someone to help me close them up...

sushi!!!

2005-09-13T21:58:00.000+08:00

Topic of today! Sushi Buffet! Hmmm... Wonder if any of you know the art of eating a sushi buffet... Well, my way may not be the best but its better than the following...

1) Yelling and screaming in a restaurant comparing number of plates. tsk tsk tsk... It's a restaurant! "Excuse me no yelling in the restaurant please!" I mean... Who in the right mind would yell in the casino and start comparing number of sushi covers and plates.. Bunch of youngsters who do not know manners that is! Unlike me who is always civilised.. tsk tsk tsk.. (*point to ponder* Don't you think they need to wash the plates to reuse them?)

2) Eating fast.. That is not something you might want to do! Food, glorius food... Food should be enjoyed slowly... Savour the taste.. Feel the flavour spread.. Not! Open wide! Gobble! Swallow! Take it slow... There's plenty of food to go around.. Life example? Sitze could you come over for a moment! *Measures his stomach with a measuring tape* This my fellow students is not good. As you can see he is a month pregnant! Eat slowly and you won't bloat understand kids?

3) Eating cheap stuff! What did we learn in Fundamentals of marketing? Value for money! When you go for a buffet.. Fill your stomach with reasonable food.. Not crabsticks!! It can be bought for a few cents outside! We should be eating salmon and scallops! ahem... Let's not get to worked up.. Bottom line is that we should stretch our dollar..

4) Moaning and groaning while forcing food down... That's a big NO NO!! Especially when you're moaning like you're having ahem.. *You know what i mean* Why you're moaning? Cos you're too full! Why you're so full? refer to point No. 2...

5) Comparing of waist and bellies when exiting restaurant... two sentences.. What's done is done. You have to work it off to get that nice flat belly again! *I always like mine! Wink*

With that I conclude my lesson of eating tips when you have a sushi buffet.. Learn from the civilised me and you're on your way to a crazy lifestyle! Cheers! Rmb: Drink for the occasion

salt collected from all the tears

2005-09-10T16:26:00.000+08:00

I love the water from the shower...
Keeps me warm in this cold place...
Washes away all my tears,
So I don't feel like I'm crying...

Seeing the water flow...
Calms my soul...
It gives me an excuse..
To have red eyes,
When I leave the shower..

I would just say..
"Soap got in my eyes"
And quickly pretend
To rub my eyes and walk away

Then I crawl to bed,
And bury my face in to my pillow..
As my pillow gently collects,
Every single one of my tears...

I then hug my bolster,
And cry myself a ghostly lullaby...
And dream of a jar..
Of salt from all my tears...

Stress Zout!

2005-09-06T21:41:00.000+08:00

This entry is dedicated to my cousin.. Well I can safely say my favourite cousin... She's the one in the family who would always bring us smaller cousins out on outings... She's the one cousin who drives a mercedes... She's the one cousin who treats us to meals and always scolds us for paying for our own food when we're out with her... She's that one cousin who bothers to take time off from work to bring our youngest in our family out to learn how to cycle... Well when I was really young... I didn't expect cousins to be like that... But she went beyond my expectations...

But behind her great side is a weak side... A side weakened by the weather of the society.. A side weakened by rejections.. She still stands tall in my heart... But it really hurts my heart to see her now... Just last saturday I found out she's suffering from depression and was hospitalized for two weeks already... Two weeks!! And I didn't know... I felt anger followed by sadness... Angry cause I wasn't there for her when she just got admitted... But sad cause of her condition.. The fact was my aunt didn't want us to worry... So she kept it all undercovers.. My cousin is now on home stay as she didn't like the hospital and apparently the damn nurses and doctors were hurting her... She had bruises all over... My cousin is not insane! She's just depressed you bloody damn idiots!!! You don't have to force her to eat those f*cking pills.. Just talk her into it will you!! She can still understand english and respond... Its just that her mind is overloaded.. Cut her some slack!

My cousin now is down with home stay... And she's still taking anti-depressions to control her emotions.. Leng Leng, you hang in there alright? I'll visit you often... Take care...

Healing touch

2005-09-05T21:17:00.000+08:00

Everybody hates ulcers... Especially the ones that are ENORMOUS... When I mean enormous, I mean a quarter the size of your pinky tip... I wanted to attach a photo but I figured it would be too gross... Lol.. Ok... So let's go through tips on how to battle these nasty craters!

1. Drink lots of water
2. Watermelon powder
3. Ulcer Gel
4. Lip Balm
5. Fruits

Why lots of water? Cos these craters get worse when they start drying up. It like a reservior. No water bad!

Watermelon powder is too cool it down so it can subside the pain. Same for ulcer gel. Ulcer gels also help prevent scratches on the ulcer. OUCH!

Lip Balm. Prevents your lips from over drying and thus retains moisture so the ulcer will be kept moist.

Fruits!! You need the vitamin C!! It helps...

But best of all... You compile all the 5 together and add a little love... POOM!! *cloud of smoke* You get an Angel! It is best treated with loving care from someone you love! Someone who nags at you to drink more water but you won't get irritated by the nags. Someone who would bring a small bouquet of flowers wishing you a speedy recovery altough its just an ulcer. *Aw...* Ain't that sweet! Someone who would call you and ask, "Is your ulcer still there?" and then slam down your phone immediately after your answer and sms you -{ We talk over here.. I don't want you to feel pain.. Sorry for putting down your phone.. Hehe}- And best of all... Give you a hug! Well that's all for tips for curing ulcers... Btw.. Thanks for taking care of me!

non-verbal communication

2005-09-03T22:21:00.000+08:00

Non-verbal communication. Heard of that? DMC students if you all don't know this you guys ought to read your lecture notes! Today made me realise how I can pass my day without talking much... Just by non-verbal communication. It made me realsie how much one touch can tell you.. A touch can tell you that someone loves you.. A touch can tell you that " I'm here".. A touch can tell you that someone needs you... Well you have that touch.. You, my angel, have that gentle touch. Although sometimes you make me sad but you never fail to put a smile back on my face.. I'm so in love with your gentle side.. The side which you say nothing at all but just look into my eyes and hold my hand... How your hand assures me that you're here beside me always when I start to miss you... How your touch tells me you need me as much as I need you... It's all spoken without sound or words.. All by just a touch of the hand and the look in someone's eyes... We all have that ability... I'm just glad I have your hand to hold... love you..

Hate or Love?

2005-09-01T21:16:00.000+08:00

Hate... Man invented this word to symbolise great anger and dislike. So much of hate in my world... So much anger.. So much pain.. Sorrow.. Why can't everyone just think about love and friendship instead of thinking who hates who.. Why can't there be just love all around.. An adaption from a Korn song..

"I can't take no more..
What are we fighting for?
You are my brothers..
Each one I will die for!
Please just let it go..
All our heads are blown!
Let's take the stage and
Remember what we're playing for.."

Why can't there be a place with no grudges? Why can't there be a place with no hate? Imagine a place with jade green fields as the blades of grass wave about in the wind. With wild flowers growing everywhere. Clear blue sky with the chorus of birds in a distant... My dream place... I hope I can do my best to get the class back together again... I'll keep trying and would die trying...

Why Do We Fall?

2005-08-25T22:54:00.000+08:00

Why Do We Fall? That's the question that more or less brightened my clouded mind.. "Why do we fall?" "So that we can pick oursleves up again..." I've seen past all the disappointment and sadness.. Well that's for the moment.. I'd say I'll be happy if all my other team members get good marks... Cos if they didn't I'll get really upset.. I wasn't given the time but that's my luck.. But they got their time and they tried their best so there's no reason why they shouldn't get good grades.. Guys don't ever blame yourselves for anything that happened today.. It isn't fault we're looking at... But valuable experiences.. We fall all the time don't we? Well I fell a couple of thousand times when I learnt how to skateboard.. But that's just how we learn.. We will strive harder alright guys?

As for a friend I have... We must'nt judge others by face and looks.. Sometimes I know its hard to change mindsets but take it as everyone are just new-borns... Wouldn't we all look the same? Always look upon things in life with a positive light. Not everyone is entirely bad nor entirely good... Well I'd like to say only God has the right to judge.. It's just not exactly nice judging people if we don't know them well... Would you want to be judged? I know you'll say "I don't mind..." But think carefully.. Would you want the person you like to start judging you? Food for thought...

Confessions

2005-08-24T18:17:00.000+08:00

It struck me today... That weight and beauty matters alot to girls... It has become a common stress for many people... But what really matters is the person you are... We are all beautiful in our own ways... I saw the reactions of some people today when they weighed themselves... The emotions weren't exactly happy.. I'm not sure whether what I say means anything to you all but if you're unhappy about yourself, know this....

WanTong.. You have a great waist that other girls would kill for... You have a funny personality and fair skin that other girls would put a thousand SK II masks to get... Your legs are fine... Serious.. You also have a nice handbag (Billabong one) and you look nice with you hair tied up... You like sleeping and it isn't a bad thing.. You look adorable when you sleep on the train.. (yoga!)

Joannah.. You have a cheerful personality and you have quite a unique laugh.. If it was an octave higher then it would certainly sound like a chipmunk.. You look really adorable together with Alvin.. Holding hands and stuff.. I smile when I see both of you holding hands while walking.. You like to skip a little when you're happy too and it just adds to your cheerful image that brightens Alvin's day.. Its not your fault people are getting pox k? Its nature...

Shi Qi.. Miss Inspector.. Your crankiness is really funny.. Don't stay too quiet alrite? You must smile more cos you look so much better.. You're also very caring and loyal to her friends.. Always waits patiently for Yi Jin or Wan Tong.. Never heard you complain or get angry.. You're a friend someone definitely needs... Like the curls on your hair by the way...

Yi Jin.. You're small but adorable and cute.. Yeah yeah... You have alot of "boyfriends" but your kindness and thoughtfulness explains why so many guys come after you.. You have fair skin too.. You're gentle and have a soft touch to your personality which is most probably why so many guys' heart melted.. But too many not good hor!

Devon.. Like Sitze say.. Your mole makes you sexy.. You have a cheerful and friendly personality and you're a great artist! Love the sketches! You're very good at writing too.. A very creative person and very fun to hang out with.. Great actor too and you are a really good singer.. It feels comfortable talking to you..

Lydia.. You are a motherly figure and you're bright and creative too.. You are responsible and always doing the right thing to give us a good role model to follow.. Loving and understanding girl to her XX.. You look great in curly hair too..

Michelle.. A good composer of songs.. Though I may not understand but I know it must be good.. Great pianist and feminine.. A friendly person too and can sing pretty well... There's more to this girl than just this need to know her more..

Poh Ying.. You're loud but in a fun way.. Your jokes are endless and its just not the same without her in the class.. you're life and energy to the class.. A very understanding character and is a wushu master.. You're a great friend to have and you're there for Joannah even if it risks that you'll get pox too... You're friend that is hard to come by..

Joanne.. You're a confident individual and helpful.. Like Sitze says.. You're great to hug.. When you help someone you make sure you get it done and you're a great biking teacher.. A great cook too.. Love the sauce by the way.. Great cooking with you..

Khee Hoon.. You're silent but deadly.. She can make you laugh till you die! BHAM! "I know! One apple!" You never fail to make people laugh and she's composed and yet funny.. If you need a fan then you need Khee Hoon cos she's the best fan you can get! She's always fun to be with..

Eileen.. You're a loud and unique person.. You are bubbly and brave.. That fall you took during biking.. You were strong.. You're loud spoken and fun loving.. You have nice eyes and you have a good fashion sense.. You are a David Gan incarnate and you stand out not just by dressing but by personality too.. You have a loud character and cheerful expects.. Not to forget.. You sing great! Like the tape recorder effect..

Patricia.. You are a cheerful yet fearsome person.. You stare is deadly! You're pretty and you're a Silver look-a-like.. You have the best hair and that goes without arguement.. You're pretty funny when you go ga-ga over Kakashi.. I use to joke about you using photoshop? Well, that is because your photos were flawless.. You're natural..

XiaoLin.. You are the most bubbly girl I have ever met.. Very funny to look at and adorable too.. Resemble Sponge bob some how.. Use to tag you as the sunshine girl cos of your character and tan.. Me and Fit can totally look at you and get entertained.. You're a natural bubbly cute person..Love your hair too.. Like the little taints of yellow.. Have good dressing sense too..

Min.. You're a total Japanese look-a-like.. You're very pretty and you have a little princess kind of character.. You have innocence and you're a great designer! Seen what you're capable of and i must say its really impressive.. You have great dessing sense too.. Get the sun more and you look great without make up too so don't be afraid to show your real self..

Not to forget.. My little piglet!!!.. You have eyes of an angel.. I simply can't help getting lost in your eyes.. You have fair and smooth skin.. I remembered the first time I held your hand I got a shock.. Never felt hands this smooth before.. You have a great sense of humour too and you're irresistably cute when you whine.. It won't be surprising if I get diabetes in the future as you're so sweet.. You're the best person I've ever hugged.. When I hug you it feels like all my troubles are on vacation and I'm on stressless ground.. You're a magnet to me!! Je Vous Aime..

Great Day Out!

2005-08-20T23:45:00.000+08:00

Today was a totally great day! Besides the point I was tired from all the night boarding last night... Went to do ICP project at lydia's place. Lol.. Resorted to drinking and eating stuff with caffeine! Yeah... It helped me through the day. Talked about awkward topics during discussion which I wouldn't want to dwell on cos its not the highlight of the day..

Met a pretty girl after the project. Was so worried I'd be too tired to entertain her. BUT! Just one look at her that day rejuvenated me... Bet you'll be thinking "who has looks like that man?" Well I happen to know someone who has and she's already attached! Sob... So sad... Wasted right? Went out with her to Orchard Road to shop for a present for her good friend Choo and her sister.. We chose a slick radio clock for her sister and rolled some "eggs" for Choo.. After that we went for a movie "Must Love Dogs". Did I mention I was in Denise Keller's 3 metre radius?!!? I WAS!!! There's more to come... I met up with the girls family at the Paragon to celebrate her sister's 21st birthday... It was at Crystal Jade.. It was quite a high class place and I seriously thought I was under dressed but the pretty girl came reassuring me that it was alright.. Then came someone I least expected.. Guess who?!!? Fiona Xie!!! WOW!!! She looked great... She looks great in everything I think... She looks exactly the way she looks on the tele.. Ok Ok... Enough about Fiona Xie.. Did I mention she was pretty? Yeah? Oh ok... Yeah the ambience was great in the restaurant... And I guess I and the girl at least ate up about 80 bucks? Was really expensive but her dad was paying... Felt so bad... Did I mention Fiona Xie was sitting near me? I didn't? Well she was!!! Lol... The whole day was great... It was great not because of Fiona or Denise but because the girl looked simply gorgeous.. She's none other than my little piglet... Xinlin... Taken in the restaurant...

Failure Leads to Success

2005-08-18T22:20:00.000+08:00

That's one of the keys on the wall of my room.. Guess this failure today will bring me back down to earth and work harder. Failure has a strange way of acting on me... First I will break lose like a beserk animal. Which I would have in class but Yi Jin was sitting next to me... Won't want to freak her out... So I broke out when I pretended to go to the loo. Thanks Sitze... Thanks for comforting me.. Lol.. I could have just used a hug from you man... That's just me.. That's the second thing I'll do, its to get emotional and would really need someone to talk to and give me a "magic" hug.. Third thing I'll do... Well the expected.. Tell myself to work harder...

I don't like her! Fitri, you should know who I'm refering to.. Why can't she just be less sarcastic and bitchy. I mean all we want is just a little laughter and fun in the classroom and she had to pick on Sitze's little joke. I mean.. PLEASEEE MAN!! Its just something to make the class happy and fun. Don't have to be such an ass and scold us off like that. Man! Guess the whole class would have the same feelings about her. Yeah you know what I mean...

Really needed you so much today... But you weren't around and I didn't want to distract you at school cos the promos are coming.. So I kept all of it inside me and held it there till you call tonight.. I call it "emotion constipation." We didn't start out at the right key but you fixed everything in the end... You calmed down and listened to my troubles which was the only cure to this "constipation" of mine. Feel so much better... *poop* Ahh.....

To be or not to be?

2005-08-16T23:10:00.000+08:00

That is the question. To be affected by materialistic views or not... Is how we look really important? Or is it the heart that counts. We're all beautiful in our own ways. May not be external but instead may be internal. Some say beautiful is innocence and gentleness. Some say beauty is slim waists, good face features, thin long legs and great figure. Well I've been doing many wrong things these few days. If when you're gentle and caring, you won't message or call
that often. Then I'll rather you be the person you once were. I guess I'm influenced by factors in school. I'm clueless why I'm acting this way. I say the wrong stuff at the wrong time lately. At school, at home and with you... Something's wrong with me and I have to do something fast. Before I do irreversible stuff...

You're beautiful...

2005-08-14T22:19:00.000+08:00

What is beauty? Is beauty on the outside or on the inside? Men would say on the outside.. The kind of beauty that can draw you from one side of the room to the other side just by a glance... But I like to talk about the beauty within... The beauty that will eternally bind two souls together... The beauty that can only be found when you really know someone... The kind of beauty that cannot be seen but can only be felt from the heart... Well Fairy... You have that kind of beauty.. You have the beauty that keeps my heart beating in cohesion with yours...

I saw a fairy... At the other side of the class.. Couldn't take my eye off her because she just has this aura.. And I knew I wasn't the only one that noticed her.. My friend did too.. I know I wasn't ready to enter another relationship so soon... But it was just something about her that I was drawn to... I didn't know what it is but it didn't matter at that time... What really mattered was that she caught my eye... Then all of a sudden, my friend whispered to me to ask her for her number.. For him? well... ok.. So I did.. Although it was for my friend, I was still nervous... I was drawn to her too.. How am I going to ask? So I came up with the safe but not sincere plan! I will drop a note into her pencil case to ask her name and number... Well I knew her name! But I think it would be safer to act like I don't... So there I was... A jackass trying to get someone's number by slipping a dumb torn corner of a foolscap paper into her pencil box while she went to the ladies... Praying that she'll see it! Then all of a sudden BHAM! "Alvin! What are you doing?" exclaimed my tuition teacher.. I turn and saw her with a smirk on her face.. "You're getting her number huh?" she said softly with a grin.. My face flushed red! The whole class was staring at me... So there I was stuck in one of the most embarrassing time of my life.. So I quickly diverted the claim... "Its for my friend!" although I wanted it for myself! Then she came in... I swore she was like an angel... She didn't smile but she was beautiful... Then came a voice that spoilt that angelic entrance.. "Xinlin! Are you interested in anyone in this class?" said the teacher.. "erm... no.." she said shaking her head while wearing a puzzled look... "Well, someone is.."said the teacher smiling from ear to ear... I was like hiding in the corner covering my face! But the teacher mentioned my friend's name and so I was safe as I admired her from afar...

You have a beauty that lies on both the inside and the outside... You just have to believe in yourself and have confidence... I'm blessed with that chance to be here as someone special to you... I'm blessed and always will be... My fairy...

The light in darkness

2005-08-13T22:13:00.000+08:00

Haven't heard much from you for so long finally today things started to brighten up... You can say I'm easily fulfilled but your call on my way back really brightened my entire day... I'm such a dork... In the past I didn't really thought that your calls would matter this much to me... But now I come to realise how empty and gloomy my day would be without your calls... I needed your calls... Not that much of a want... But more of a need... Its like a candle in darkness... When you are used to having candles around your house... You will start to neglect how much importance the candle has on you... But in total darkness you will understand how much you need a candle... Darkness seems to be slowly going out of the picture for me as the candles start to light up again..

It was the way you spoke... So much different so much more... The way you gently whined to me to take care of myself... How you showed you care... The kind of concern that I needed and you knew I needed it... You gave me that warm snuggy feeling... You made me forget the surroundings... All I felt was the warmth...

Today's project went really well... Can't imagine myself working with a team better than the BSB... Cos we are performing better than I can imagine... All our ideas put together! Wham! Masterpiece... Great working with you guys... Sitze always acting serious but end up smirking and laughing... Fitri immuned to my tickles till I found his weak point.. And Alvin multi tasking as he juggles her and the project... Its just a great team! Hope we can work like this forever... Cheers to BSB!

Feels so empty

2005-08-11T17:46:00.000+08:00

Today's your last day with your taiwan friend... Guess today would be kind of emotional for you... I know today you won't be messaging me that much cause you would most likely be busy... I didn't want to disturb you either... Want you to spend more time with your friend before she leaves... Feel so empty without your messages... Feel so distant...

insensitivity

2005-08-09T23:00:00.000+08:00

Is love blind? I don't know the answer to that question... We love someone because we just do.. Need there be a reason? Hey you little piglet... Don't care about what i said today... Yes you may be different from the picture in my mind... You may not be gentle all the time but I know for one thing... You always make me happy in the end... You make up for it with humour. You make up for it with your smile. We all have our bad points... I have my fair share too... I'm late most of the time... Though I'm gentle but I hurt you when we play... Though I don't usually be unreasonable but I hurt your fragile heart... You're fragile inside but so strong on the outside.. I see so much of your strength that I fail to see your gentle side... You're gentle each time your hand meets mine... You're gentle when you smile at me from afar.. I wish I could see more... I would rather risk being labeled unreasonable this once... But I just really wish you could be more secure.. Open up your gentle heart beneath that strong fortress... Just relax and let your heart lead you.. I promise I won't hurt you even if you're gentle.. I promise I'll handle you with my hands as if it were snow... I promise I'll care for you more so you don't have to be afraid of the harsh weather of life... That you can be what your heart is even outside our fairytale... I'll be your knight to fight off the dragons in life... Just let your spirit free and relax... The world around you can be gentle if you want it to be... Set your heart free from its sturdy armour... Breathe the air and feel the gentle breeze... Listen to the world around you and hear the voices of the wind whisper in your ear... Slow down and take a breath... I'll be here for you... Not in front of you... Not behind you... But always beside you... Taking your hand and lifting it up slightly so as to guide you through the many steps in life... My heart beats for you..

New to this shit man...

2005-08-08T12:53:00.000+08:00

Its alive! Its ALIVE!!!! Feel the feelings man... Breathe the fresh elven air!