Yeah... I'm back...
Back cos maybe no one's reading this anymore...
Sheesh... so Alvin... How's life?
Good question... Let's do a quick update!
Lost motivation in life! WOOHOO...
Lost the happiness I once had! YEAHHH!!!
Living a life just to see what crap I'll get the next day... FOOoooo~!
Freshies calling me short.. Classmates raging war with each other... Emotion build up all in the effort to make life seem good... Laughing with people who look down on me.. Smiling even after getting hurt straight in the heart... WOOOOoooo!~
Life IS beautiful...
Oh well... Since no one visits here anymore.. I'd take this chance to voice out... That's what blogs are for anyway. SOoooo~! Here goes...
To all those who openly make fun of me by calling me short and small... Maybe it hasn't occured to you that I'm not exactly cyborg. I have a heart and I don't wanna spoil your day by saying nasty things back... Just to let you know that this heart has never went home in one piece before... Don't give a damn? Well, that's for you to decide whether or not to care... Continue if you want to... I suppose I won't really die from emotional hurt... It's in my genes to be short... And I don't intend to blame my genes cos it'll sound stupid... yup... Maybe I won't be able to go out with the girl I fall for because I'm small... Well that's just my luck... Life isn't always what it seems anyway... And I don't expect good things to come my way often... And love doesn't really come easy for me anymore... Maybe I'm just not ready to support someone's emotions in my current state...
But still... A big thanks to those who stand by me.. Its you guys who keep me in one piece everyday... thanks...
This is not meant for anyone to read by the way... This just makes me feel better in a way...
Well, then... Elf signing off to a live full of certified crap... CIAOS!!!
iblogged.... 6:46 PM
I wish I never had a soft heart..
I wish I am that strong person I imagine to be..
I just want to help people get back on their feet..
I just want to make people happy..
If only I could be a real asshole..
Then maybe things would be better..
Then maybe I could leave things as it is..
And never bring it back..
I just wanted to make you happy..
You were but I wasn't..
I waited longer and longer to see if things get better..
But it didn't and I crashed my efforts..
I made things worst..
I kept thinking about you..
But never myself until its too late..
I never thought whether I could afford to do this..
Afford to make people happy and not get anything in return..
I was wrong..
I needed to feel..
I just want to feel again..
To feel like I really have something to live for..
But its not about me..
Its about you..
You have feelings..
All you wanted was love..
All you wanted is to be cared for..
All you wanted is to happy..
Is it too much to ask for?
I say no..
It isn't..
You have feelings
And I wanted to mend them..
I wanted to pick you back up on your feet..
I want to path your way across troubled waters..
I want to see you smile..
I want to make you happy..
But then I wasn't strong enough..
My needs that I kept locked up came out..
My needs that drives my life..
I needed someone to mend my feelings..
I needed someone to pick me back up on my feet..
I needed someone to path my way across troubled waters..
I am broken too..
And so I started to lose hope..
My strength wore out..
I didn't have strength to carry you anymore..
And I dropped you..
And I know sorry isn't enough..
My friend once told me there are many ways to love a person..
My only way I can love you is to care for you..
But not depend on you to give me strength..
To help you but not ask you for help..
And I'm sorry I took so long to realise that-
I mustn't depend on others..
I depended on you these past few days..
You didn't see it..
I'm that someone that you can lean on when I can lean on you..
I'm not that strong and I'm ashamed of that..
I keep coming back to you to find that strength..
The strength that you can give me..
And I'm sorry to keep coming back..
I hoped to get that strength from you..
And you hoped you could lean on me..
I gave myself false hopes..
And I gave you false hopes..
You see I'm not the guy you need..
You need a strong pillar that is independent..
I'm a feather..
Ever weak at heart and soul..
I'm sorry that I'm not the guy you thought I was..
And its fine if you hate me or start a hate club..
Cos I was wrong to try to find hope in you..
And causing you harm..
Hate is what drives people to stop loving..
Sadly I never could hate..
And I'm just a fool for love..
I know what must be done..
Although I want to help you..
I'll leave your life for good..
And please make sure that I do..
You can stop contacting me now..
I should never have thought you that math question..
I'm sorry..
iblogged.... 11:13 PM
If only I could turn back time and change everything.. Maybe things wouldn't be this way.. Food has lost its taste and things seem to be losing their colour.. All this while.. Anticipating the time I can finally meet you.. And it all crumbles... Hopes, faith, dreams, motivation... We leap and jump hoping to God that we can fly but we always fall down hurt and bruised.. But only one person can make me feel like I can fly.. and that's you.. Sadly that's gone in just a brief moment on the train.. All this while, I thought you weren't messaging or calling me because you were studying.. Now I know the reason.. You were so vibrant and pretty but your words were piercing and cold... Silly me... I even brought out enough money to treat you to sakae and a movie but what's the point.. It has all crumbled..
iblogged.... 1:25 PM
I am proud to announce...
That the EXAMS are OVER!!! I'm so relieved.. I wanna organise a span of class outings to build my class bonding! I never want my class to start drifting apart from each other and not going and hanging out together.. It would be a complete waste... Such great people, great minds and great personality but all in their individual groups... Its saddening.. I am driven to keep my class together.. But it isn't easy.. It isn't easy to get them to go on an outing... When I mean them I mean all of my classmates.. Somehow they would have something on or not interested.. haizzz...
But skateboarding has taught me one thing..
You would be disappointed if you fail.. But doomed if you stop trying..So here I am still trying..
So no plans for today... But wait.. A message came.. I can have lunch with chock! It had been years since i met her.. Ok.. I'm exaggerating.. But really... It has been an unbearable long time.. All because of my exams and her promos preparations..
It was great to see her again.. With her two colourful pins in her hair.. With wide pearly eyes.. We went to eat at this Black Canyon cafe which had nice student sets for only $5.50! The portions were quitte big--->Spaghetti, cold slaw, chicken cutlet or fish platter, drink and ice cream. Yep! I didn't type that wrongly.. Its $5.50.. Right there.. Value for money dude!! Yeah the meal was great.. But sadly we could only afford to have time for the lunch only and i had to send her home to study.. I wish I had more time with her..
*Humans can never be satisfied
But what can I do? She's all that matters to me.. She's the world to me.. And I can't even spend time with her after her exams.. She'll be spending time with her friends first.. *Kick and scream* Why can't she spend time with me?!?!
Okay.. I think I'm getting abit too whinny here..
But its true... Hmmm.. I have to accept what is given to me.. Even though I did not have enough time with her today.. Its still better than not meeting her at all... So I'll wait.. Wait for my turn.. After her time with her friends she would have time for me.. Right...? Yep...
Another teaching from skateboarding..
Practice PatienceSo I'll wait..
iblogged.... 8:57 PM
Lost and broken,
Hopeless and lonely..
Smiling on the outside,
But hurt beneath my skin..
My eyes are fading,
My soul is bleeding..
I try to make it seem ok,
But my faith is wearing thin..
So help me heal these wounds,
They've been open for way to long..
Help fill this soul,
Even though its not your fault..
That I'm open..
That I'm bleeding...
All over your brand new rug..
And I need someone to help me sew them up..
I only wanted a magazine..
I only wanted a movie screen..
I only wanted a life I read about and dreamed..
And now my mind is an open book..
And now my heart is an open wound..
And now my life is an open soul for all to see..
So help me heal this wounds,
They've been open for way to long..
Help me fill this soul,
Even though its just not your fault..
That I'm open..
And I'm bleeding..
All over your brand new rug..
And I need someone to help me,
So you come along,I push you away,
Then I kick and scream for you to stay..
Cuz I need someone to help me,
Oh I need someone to help me,
To help me heal these wounds,
They've been open for way too long..
Help me fill this soul..
Even though this is not your fault..
that I'm open,
And I'm bleeding,
All over your brand new rug.
And I need someone to help me sew them,
I need someone to help me fill them,
I need someone to help me close them up...
iblogged.... 4:01 PM
Topic of today!
Sushi Buffet! Hmmm... Wonder if any of you know the art of eating a sushi buffet... Well, my way may not be the best but its better than the following...
1) Yelling and screaming in a restaurant comparing number of plates. tsk tsk tsk... It's a restaurant!
"Excuse me no yelling in the restaurant please!" I mean... Who in the right mind would yell in the casino and start comparing number of sushi covers and plates.. Bunch of youngsters who do not know manners that is! Unlike me who is always civilised.. tsk tsk tsk..
(*point to ponder* Don't you think they need to wash the plates to reuse them?)2) Eating fast.. That is not something you might want to do! Food, glorius food... Food should be enjoyed slowly... Savour the taste.. Feel the flavour spread.. Not!
Open wide! Gobble! Swallow! Take it slow... There's plenty of food to go around.. Life example? Sitze could you come over for a moment! *Measures his stomach with a measuring tape* This my fellow students is not good. As you can see he is a month pregnant! Eat slowly and you won't bloat understand kids?
3) Eating cheap stuff! What did we learn in Fundamentals of marketing?
Value for money! When you go for a buffet.. Fill your stomach with reasonable food.. Not crabsticks!! It can be bought for a few cents outside! We should be eating salmon and scallops! ahem... Let's not get to worked up.. Bottom line is that we should stretch our dollar..
4) Moaning and groaning while forcing food down... That's a big
NO NO!! Especially when you're moaning like you're having ahem.. *You know what i mean* Why you're moaning? Cos you're too full! Why you're so full? refer to point
No. 2...
5) Comparing of waist and bellies when exiting restaurant... two sentences..
What's done is done. You have to work it off to get that nice flat belly again! *I always like mine! Wink*
With that I conclude my lesson of eating tips when you have a sushi buffet.. Learn from the civilised me and you're on your way to a crazy lifestyle! Cheers! Rmb: Drink for the occasion
iblogged.... 9:58 PM
I love the water from the shower...
Keeps me warm in this cold place...
Washes away all my tears,
So I don't feel like I'm crying...
Seeing the water flow...
Calms my soul...
It gives me an excuse..
To have red eyes,
When I leave the shower..
I would just say..
"Soap got in my eyes"
And quickly pretend
To rub my eyes and walk away
Then I crawl to bed,
And bury my face in to my pillow..
As my pillow gently collects,
Every single one of my tears...
I then hug my bolster,
And cry myself a ghostly lullaby...
And dream of a jar..
Of salt from all my tears...
iblogged.... 4:26 PM
